Interpersonal Communication: Soft Complaints Make You More Intimate.

First, not to attack, to explain one's own Need 。

"Hard criticism" opens up a lot of fire. For example, "what's the matter with you? Your mind is full of work. You never think of me!" "You never call me, no matter what holiday you have never thought of giving me a gift, you only have yourself!" Darling, if you say this, who can stand it?

Learn how to "soft complain": point out your needs, but don't blame or attack each other. For example, "dear, I really need your help at the weekend, but you've been working every weekend this month." "I wish I could be cared for by you, but it seems that in my relationship I always call you, and only I remember sending you gifts during the festival."

Second, do not generalize and focus on specific behaviors.

The term "hard criticism" is: "you always speak without words, never negative. responsibility "!" As a result, he was severely punished for his / her personality. The "soft complaints" expert will say, "tonight, you have to wait for me for a long time." That is to say, describe what happened, rather than expound the conclusion that you have on his / her personality.

Third, emotions can be said without practice.

Most of the time, "no practice" is not a smart practice. However, in intimate communication, when facing negative emotions, the best way is to speak out, not to do it. That is to say, we should try to discuss our feelings with the other party, but we do not have to really put it into action.

For example, you can say, "I am so angry that I am so angry that I want to throw things!" After that, you have already expressed your true feelings, and you can completely omit the destructive practices of throwing things. (to avoid getting rid of money, ha! )

Or "I just can't bear to say that just now. I want to escape now." By the way, do not follow your heart's feelings. You don't have to rush out, but stay with each other. discuss My own feeling.

Another example: "I have an impulse now to protect myself by scolding you." It is better to tell your current feelings and your motives than to really blame people, so that you can avoid irreparable damage to your feelings, but on the other hand, you can enhance your emotional communication.

To talk about your feelings in the way of "emotional light, no practice", though it will not let the problem disappear, however, this is a super effective close invitation. Just like giving yourself a close invitation to each other, let him know more about your feelings and let the other person understand that my purpose is not to hurt you, but to get closer to you, so that he / she can have a close psychological connection with you.